wanted: spring!

20/02/2010 § 2 Comments

Spring – hello? WTF, where are you?!  So I know I’ve said this before, but I am so sick of winter, the gray, the rain and the cold! I can’t get motivated to do anything. I don’t even see the point of getting motivated. Every year it’s like this, October till March I’m just out of the loop. I can be going to work, or going to school but apart from having it together enough to be able to perform some basic tasks, these months just always seem to blur together and I seriously have no memories of anything that happens in that period.

So I cannot wait for spring. I have so many things that I want to do and winter just makes me feel like I’m NEVER going to manage them. I feel like there are certain things in life that I would really like to accomplish but at this point in time, months into the crazy sun-less state of affairs, I feel like they are nothing more than a bunch of completely unrealistic and unachievable daydreams. But at the same time, I know that they’re not. These are simple, everyday things that most people don’t think twice about. I really hate thinking this way and I was just reflecting today on how much it would suck if I was to never manage to achieve any of them.

To start, things like defending my thesis. It’s basically finished but the fear of moving ahead with it makes me question whether I’m actually going to be able to go ahead and complete my degree. I love my topic and I’ve really enjoyed my courses, but now I’m at a standstill.

Things like getting a driver’s license! I mean, it’s not rocket science. But for some reason I didn’t used to think that I’m driver-material. I almost feel handicapped not being able to do it. Don’t laugh, but sometimes I have dreams about driving a car and it’s seriously the most exhilarating feeling ever.

Things like starting another degree. I’ve been dreaming of doing that for a while and I should just do it, research it, apply for it (hey, here’s a crazy idea: finish my other degree first?) but I’m torn in so many directions, any sort of decision seems impossible.

Learning another language. Learning how to develop film. Like ta doing more yoga and rock climbing and getting more fit and healthy. Like making new friends and meeting new people.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just scared of failure, or change. Or maybe both. But surely, if I can climb Mount Fuji overnight, on no sleep and just a pack of Kitkats, FFS, I should be able to learn how to drive!

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§ 2 Responses to wanted: spring!

  • we need to be friends. for real.

    what is your thesis on?! what would you get your second degree in? this is exciting!!!!

    ok, driving, I was the EXACT same way & I did it…although I very rarely drive & mostly ride my bike, haha. I’m a lousy driver though…

    Seriously, you hiked Mount Fuji, you are amazing, you can TOTALLY do all the stuff you want!!!!

  • suzyinblue says:

    haha, thanks for the kind words!

    yeah, i guess the degree thing IS exciting, i just lost a little bit of my drive. i was doing english studies with a major in linguistics and my thesis is on translations and adaptations of ‘alice in wonderland’, focusing on an adaptation of alice in one of the aboriginal languages of australia (where the rabbit becomes a kangaroo and alice is a black aboriginal girl). my second degree – well, here’s the trouble. i’m thinking of either media and communication or some sort of environmental studies. or maybe i should do both, because the communication one also comes as a one semester certificate course. now here’s a thought!:)

    i really really hope i can get myself together and do the driving thing! i think it could really give me a huge confidence boost and sense of accomplishment.

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