20/02/2010 § 2 Comments
Spring – hello? WTF, where are you?! So I know I’ve said this before, but I am so sick of winter, the gray, the rain and the cold! I can’t get motivated to do anything. I don’t even see the point of getting motivated. Every year it’s like this, October till March I’m just out of the loop. I can be going to work, or going to school but apart from having it together enough to be able to perform some basic tasks, these months just always seem to blur together and I seriously have no memories of anything that happens in that period.
So I cannot wait for spring. I have so many things that I want to do and winter just makes me feel like I’m NEVER going to manage them. I feel like there are certain things in life that I would really like to accomplish but at this point in time, months into the crazy sun-less state of affairs, I feel like they are nothing more than a bunch of completely unrealistic and unachievable daydreams. But at the same time, I know that they’re not. These are simple, everyday things that most people don’t think twice about. I really hate thinking this way and I was just reflecting today on how much it would suck if I was to never manage to achieve any of them.
To start, things like defending my thesis. It’s basically finished but the fear of moving ahead with it makes me question whether I’m actually going to be able to go ahead and complete my degree. I love my topic and I’ve really enjoyed my courses, but now I’m at a standstill.
Things like getting a driver’s license! I mean, it’s not rocket science. But for some reason I didn’t used to think that I’m driver-material. I almost feel handicapped not being able to do it. Don’t laugh, but sometimes I have dreams about driving a car and it’s seriously the most exhilarating feeling ever.
Things like starting another degree. I’ve been dreaming of doing that for a while and I should just do it, research it, apply for it (hey, here’s a crazy idea: finish my other degree first?) but I’m torn in so many directions, any sort of decision seems impossible.
Learning another language. Learning how to develop film. Like ta doing more yoga and rock climbing and getting more fit and healthy. Like making new friends and meeting new people.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just scared of failure, or change. Or maybe both. But surely, if I can climb Mount Fuji overnight, on no sleep and just a pack of Kitkats, FFS, I should be able to learn how to drive!