It was September, and the first few weeks were hot and humid from the intense summer…

and then the last few weeks were wet from the chilling typhoon season…

The summer before that was when I became obsessed with earthquakes and it had continued throughout that fall as well. One morning I woke up early and this is what I wrote:

Awake at 6:30 am, shaken out of uneasy sleep by the now constant fear of an impending earthquake,  I contemplated the dream I had the other night. A somewhat bizarre dream in which I was a magical creature of mysterious power, feeding magical coconut curry to an equally magical and mysterious lizard man, then afterwards speeding away via a sewer pipeline in an underwater convertible, together with some others of my magical kin. Or was it magical coconut milk powder, not curry? The details are becoming fuzzy now.

I did manage to fall asleep again for another two hours, but it was just more of the same, a restless, unsatisfying half-sleep. The swaying I feel is not imaginary – the building rocks and shakes due to the wind, the nearby roadworks and some heavy traffic from the neighboring highway, all of which make it virtually impossible for me to stay sane. The night before I actually sat up in bed with a laud gasp, thinking this was it, it was the big earthquake coming. Needles to say, it wasn’t it.

As I break out another container of matcha green tea ice cream, I wonder, what would it be like to live here permanently? The people I ask tell me that they don’t ever stop to think about the earthquakes, that it is just a fact of life. Could I ever get used to it? I’m not sure.

Now, all I can think of is that I am so happy I’m not there, but at the same time I am so sad for all of my friends who are.

So it’s now been five months of perfectly deliberate and conscious implementation of a little thing called avoidance (although I also like ‘non-participation’) and I personally think it’s about time to finally make a post. And it’s only right to start off where I left off, in early April, with my wonderfully sunny and bright birthday trip to the Cinque Terre. Of course, what you can’t see is that it was in fact incredibly chilly and the evenings were not long and spent strolling on the beach but short, dark and wrapped around in a thick scarf or two, but still, I have to say, it was pretty fabulous.

I had oysters for the first time in my life, an experience that was surprisingly inoffensive, but one I am yet to repeat. We also had some amazing seafood gnocchi that night, and plenty of wine, followed by gelato to die for – no surprises there, you can count on the gelato being amazing pretty much any place you go in Italy. We ate and drank and hiked and had a really good time.

On our last morning we had fresh croissants, and I mean out-of-the-oven fresh, and a yet another great cup of coffee, right there on the patio of the train station bar. It had a sea view and overlooked cliffs scattered with colorful little town houses and the sun was rising over the horizon. And I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to live there, waking up every morning to those freshly baked croissants and that coffee and that view. Would I be more relaxed and more importantly, would I be able to let go of my Woody Allen’ish neuroticism and the almost constant worrying over petty nonsense?

As it turned out, that was the week of the Icelandic volcano eruption and instead of the short and sweet 1.5 hour flight back to Amsterdam it took us almost 40 hours to get home. I remember feeling like all of the relaxation, peace and quiet was undone (on our layover in Basel I managed to walk into a lamp post and give myself a lovely black eye and a ruined afternoon) but looking back and seeing those photos now, all I can remember is the sun and the food, the water, the flowers and that blissful half an hour I spent sitting in the harbor reading my book, with my shoes off, my head on my husbands lap, just soaking it all up and being happy.

(a card for the hotel we’re staying at)

(these are shots from my October trip with my bestie)

I’ll be thinking of you while sipping a belini at my birthday dinner tomorrow night! Looking forward to all the yummy food, drinks, coffee, hiking, sun and sea! Yay!

(drawback: we only have ONE chair!:)

(that’s the butterfly that landed in my hair yesterday!)

With all the new activity outside the Munx is feeling left out and unhappy. I have a little bell and name tag made out and ready for him, but somehow I’m not all that enthusiastic about letting him go outside and explore. We’re thinking of having some netting/wire installed so he can sit outside with us, without the temptation of the hole wide roof top world in front of him. There’s also a new kitty coming soon (so excited about that!) so that should cheer him up!

I got myslef some more flowers. Hopefully spring can take a hint!

Spring – wanted! I know I’ve said this before, but I am so sick of winter, the gray, the rain and the cold! I can’t get motivated to do anything. I don’t even see the point of getting motivated. Every year it’s like this, October till March I’m just out of the loop. I can be going to work, or going to school but apart from having it together enough to be able to perform some basic things like that, these few months just always seem to blur together and I seriously have no memories of anything that happens in that period.

So I cannot wait for spring. I have so many things that I want to do and winter just makes me feel like I’m NEVER going to manage them. I feel like there are certain things in life that I would really like to accomplish but at this point in time, months into the crazy sun-less state of affairs, I feel like they are nothing more than a bunch of completely unrealistic and unachievable daydreams. But at the same time, I know that they’re not. These are simple, everyday things that most people don’t think twice about. I really hate thinking this way and I was just reflecting today on how much it would suck if I was to never manage to achieve any of them.

To start, things like defending my thesis. It’s basically finished but the fear of moving ahead with it makes me question whether I’m actually going to be able to go ahead and complete my degree. I love my topic and I’ve really enjoyed my courses, but now I’m at a standstill.

Things like getting a driver’s license! It’s something I would REALLY love to do. I mean, it’s not rocket science. But for some reason I didn’t used to think that I’m driver-material. I almost feel handicapped not being able to do it. Don’t laugh, but sometimes I have dreams about driving a car and it’s seriously the most exhilarating feeling ever!

Things like starting another degree. I’ve been dreaming of doing that for a while and I should just do it, research it, apply for it (finish my other degree!) but I’m torn in so many directions a decision seems impossible.

Like, becoming fluent in French. Like, learning another language. Like taking a photography course and learning how to develop film! Like taking a chocolaterie/bonbon and pastry courses. Like being more successful with my sewing. Like planning more trips and experiencing things I read about in travel books. Like doing more yoga and rock climbing and getting more fit and healthy. Like making new friends and meeting new people.

I feel that these should be my resolutions for 2010. I know it’s a little late but I’m only now, as the days get lighter  and longer, beginning to wake up and realize what it is I really want to do. Sometimes I feel like I’m just scared of failure, or change. Or maybe both. But surely, if I can climb Mount Fuji overnight, on no sleep and just a pack of Kitkats, I should be able to learn how to drive!

So please, wish me luck and please feel free to add your own resolutions or regrets!

Unicorns and princess and frog princes – yum. I’ve gone a bit scarf batty the last couple of days! These are backed with different linens and one is a very soft peachy polyester. They feel wonderful and look even better. So easy to make, too.

—

Today we went out for a walk around the city and had a really yummy lunch in Jordaan (Greg had a day off, due to him leaving again for Japan this weekend). On the way home we got some Australian Homemade chocolates -  seriously some of the best chocolates I’ve ever had, and wolfed them over the new Lost episodes. A good day, but I’m so over the rain now! Let it stop!

(Also, happy birthday to A. and happy belated birthday E.!)

Let me let you in on a secret: even with all these high tech devices in place, they still didn’t manage to pull it up there!

Thailand.

Italy.

Japan.

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